


Substitute Father

by VampAmber



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Awkwardness, Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Castiel and Jimmy Novak are Twins, Complete, Confessional, Fan Castiel (Supernatural), Flirting, Fluff, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Gay Dean Winchester, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mistaken Identity, One Shot, Priest Jimmy, Socially Awkward Castiel (Supernatural), Writer Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-15 01:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19285090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampAmber/pseuds/VampAmber
Summary: "Uh, forgive me Father, for I have sinned?" Came a masculine voice from the other side of the screen. It was the kind of voice that Castiel had always been a sucker for, but he was supposed to be his brother, who didn’t swing that way even slightly.Trying to sound as much like his brother as he could, Castiel responded with what he thought was the right response, since he'd technically never been to confessional himself. "How long has it been since your last confession?" That's how it went in the movies, right?"I, uh… This is my first time, actually," the sexy voice admitted.





	Substitute Father

**Author's Note:**

> **SHE LIVES!**
> 
> So, my evil bitch of a muse finally cooperated long enough for me to finish a fic. It's tiny, but damn it, it's DONE. Yeah, depression blows. -_-
> 
> **I missed you guys so much!**
> 
> Oh, and fair warning, I know squat about confessional (that's Catholic, right?). Actually, I barely know anything about most religions. I basically grew up agnostic. Sorry.
> 
> **Edit:** Fuck AO3's dumb auto-formatting bullshit! I had to wrestle with it for almost a half an hour, just to get the damn summary and notes to not look like shit. >_<

"No way," Castiel said vehemently, staring down what was basically his own face, only clean shaven and with hair that looked like it actually knew what a comb was.

"Please, Cassie?" His twin brother begged. "It'll just be for a few minutes. My head is killing me, but some aspirin and a few minutes in a quiet room should be enough to go back to confessional myself."

"But I'm not a priest, Jimmy. I'm barely even agnostic," Castiel responded, trying his hardest to not give in to his brother's world renowned puppy dog eyes. For some reason, the priest robes made it even harder.

"Just five minutes, that's all I ask." Jimmy suddenly went from little brother to Father James with just a facial expression. "You would be doing the Lord's work," he said, his tone as serious as a heart attack. Damn it.

"You know I hate you right now," Castiel finally said in resignation. He grimaced as his twin smiled in relief.

"Thanks, bro," Jimmy said, his serious face gone without a trace. How he managed to be a priest, only God knew. "Be back in a few." Jimmy rushed off to his personal quarters, while Castiel slipped into the priest side of the booth when no one was looking. He sighed, then indicated that he was ready for the first confessor.

"Uh, forgive me Father, for I have sinned?" Came a masculine voice from the other side of the screen. It was the kind of voice that Castiel had always been a sucker for, but he was supposed to be his brother, who didn’t swing that way even slightly.

Trying to sound as much like his brother as he could, Castiel responded with what he thought was the right response, since he'd technically never been to confessional himself. "How long has it been since your last confession?" That's how it went in the movies, right?

"I, uh… This is my first time, actually," the sexy voice admitted.

"Oh," Castiel responded lamely. Though at least the guy wouldn't know if he screwed up, so at least there was that.

"Yeah," the voice said before chuckling. "My brother's big into all this church-y stuff, and since I'm visiting him for a few weeks, I got dragged along."

"Uhh..." Castiel couldn't think of a response to that. What would Jimmy say?

"Err, not that this church isn't nice and all, I'm just not much into this kinda stuff. No offense, you know?"

Castiel nodded, before he remembered there was a screen between them that blocked the mystery guy's view. "Ahh, yes," he tried, thinking that sounded about right. "And what do you wish to confess today?"

"Well, I don't actually know what kinda stuff to confess." The guy laughed again, sounding awkward this time. Castiel could definitely understood how he felt. They were both somewhere where they had no idea what they were doing. But Castiel had to pretend he did, so he just said "Sins, usually." He winced and hoped he hadn't sounded too snarky, but the guy just giggled.

"Well, I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything that bad lately, but I guess you guys might think the stuff I write isn't all pure and innocent."

"What do you write?" Castiel asked, his curiosity making him forget to use his Jimmy voice. Thankfully, the guy on the other side of the screen didn't notice, either.

"Well," the sexy-voiced guy said, before a very long pause. "I, uh, kinda write gay porn? Professionally."

"Seriously?" Castiel asked, completely forgetting where he was and who he was supposed to be. As much as he hated to admit it, he read gay porn. A LOT of gay porn. He wasn't very good at picking up guys, and quite often his only option for a date was living vicariously through the characters in those books. Castiel had been single for almost three years now, which was one of the reasons he'd been visiting his brother. Pity parties were much more fun when done somewhere that wasn’t your own bedroom.

"Yeah, I'm actually kinda popular," the guy said, sounding properly humble. "My last book was a bestseller. Well, a bestseller for ‘gay erotica’, at least."

"Really?" Castiel asked, excited now. If the books were bestseller level, he had probably read at least one or two of them.

"Yeah," the guy answered, and let out an embarrassed chuckle. Castiel was starting to get a serious crush on this guy, even without seeing him.

"I've had a lot of hits, actually. I write them all under a pseudonym, though, so my brother and his family never has to worry."

"Do they know?" Castiel asked, leaning forward to hear even better.

"What? That I'm gay? That I write porn? Yeah, they're totally supportive. Sammy's awesome that way, and his wife Eileen is just as cool. She's read one or two of them, even. Mostly I just don’t want to risk affecting them at work or anything, what with my subject matter of choice."

"That's so great, having so much support from your family," Castiel replied, having finally forgotten pretty much everything but this conversation they were having.

"Yeah, she's even bragged about her brother-in-law being the somewhat famous D. Jensen, to her LGBT+allies group."

Castiel stood up quickly in shock. D. Jensen? Mr. Sexy Voice was D. Jensen? The guy whose books Castiel has read at least a dozen times each? Without even thinking about the irony of what he was about to say, he blurted out, "Holy shit, you're D. Jensen? I love your books." Then he remembered where he was, and slumped down immediately, hoping like hell that he hadn't just got his brother fired or excommunicated or whatever.

D. Jensen just laughed. Not at Castiel, just at the situation in general. "A big fan, I take it?" He asked, sounding a little bit more sure of himself. If Castiel didn't know better, he'd almost think there was a hint of flirting in the words.

"Uh, yeah," Castiel murmured, his face flaming red in embarrassment.

"I didn't think they let priests read that kinda stuff," D. Jensen teased.

"They, uhh…" Castiel trailed off, his brain too much in panic mode to form a proper response.

"Is this not one of those 'Being gay is a sin' churches, then?" D. Jensen continued. "I knew that a lot of churches weren't like that, but I didn't know they allowed gay priests." He paused for a moment, then asked meekly, "You are gay, right? I was just assuming…" Castiel could almost taste the awkwardness, it was so thick.

"No, no, it's okay," Castiel said quickly, trying to fix what had quickly become a bit of a clusterfuck. "I am gay, and, uhh…"

"Yeah?" D. Jensen asked, sounding relieved.

"Yeah……" Castiel let out a tortured sigh. No way to save this now, might as well come clean. "But I'm not really the priest."

"Wait, what?"

Castiel quickly explained Jimmy's zany scheme, worthy of a weeknight sitcom.

"So yeah, Jimmy's the straight twin, and I'm the agnostic gay one," Castiel ended the explanation.

"Man, that sounds pretty crazy," D. Jensen said, letting out a whistle to accompany the statement.

"He's always been like this," Castiel complained.

"Yeah, my brother's never done this, obviously, but he's definitely had his moments," D. Jensen said in agreement. There was a pause, comfortable this time, then he asked "Now that I'm in on the secret, what's your actual name? Calling you Father Novak is a little too kinky, even for me. At least until the third date." He let out a laugh as Castiel blushed even deeper.

"Castiel," he said, almost in a squeak.

"Well, glad to meet you, Cas. My real name's Dean," Dean said, and it absolutely sounded like he was flirting this time.

Castiel was about to say something that probably would've sounded stupid, since he sucked at flirting, when was saved by the light knocking on the door.

"Hey Cas," Jimmy said in a low voice. "I feel way better now, thanks."

Castiel's face fell when he realized his conversation with Dean was over now. "My brother's back, now," he whispered through the screen. "Now you can confess to the real priest."

"I'd rather keep talking to you," Dean flirted.

"Uhh…" Castiel's brain malfunctioned for a moment before he could remember words. "Like a… like a date?"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, like a date."

Castiel didn't waste any time in opening up the door for Jimmy, and stumbling out of the confessional booth at top speed. He gasped as Dean stepped out of his side much more casually. The guy was drop dead gorgeous. An inch or two taller than him, a small sprinkling of freckles on his face surrounding a confident smirk, and the body of a buff model, which he could tell even through the clothing.

Dean looked equally as stunned. "You look way hotter than your brother," he blurted out. It was finally Castiel's turn to laugh.

"So, you wanna get some coffee?" Castiel asked, trying not to smile in a weird way.

"Sure," Dean said, and they both headed towards one of the exits as one of the parishioners stepped into the confessional to talk to Jimmy. "Think we could find a place with some pie?"

Castiel let out a laugh. "Anything you want, Dean."

As he walked out the door next to the most amazing guy he had ever met, Castiel sent a quick prayer of thanks, just in case.


End file.
